Sometimes, being a mom is lonely

Sometimes being a mom is lonely.

Well, for me.  I am a full-time working mom.  I cannot go on field trips, host class parties, do play dates after school.  When the teacher sends a newsletter home for the week, No, I cannot be your last minute computer lab helper.  I am  booked for the week.  And next week, and probably the week after that.  With work.  And when it comes down to it, unfortunately, I need to save my sick time for when my kids are sick.  Because they probably will be sick soon.  And my vacation time?  Practically non-existent.  Because, I have probably used all of my sick time up when my kids are sick and I have to stay home with them or keep them out of daycare…and then I beg my boss to give me that vacation time when they are sick again.

So, as a result, I have yet to meet all of those moms my mom told I would meet and become friends with…the moms of my children’s classmates.  I think I know three or four out of the forty-ish that there are between The Thinker’s class and Mama’s Boy’s class.

And I have yet to really spend anytime getting to know the moms of my kids’ teammates.  One mom I sat with last game that The Thinker had…we chatted.  She shared how all of her girlfriends are single with no kids or married, but still no kids (me, too!).  How it was hard to find those friends that understood that no, I cannot just run out without a baby sitter and at least two to three hours notice (me, too!).  Or that sometimes, I have to cancel plans last minute because someone is exceptionally crabby or ill (me, too!).  We had a pretty great convo.  But, no numbers were exchanged.  Just  a couple stories.  Maybe we’ll talk again at the next game?

And there is work.  I work for Fruit.  Very few employees are even married, let alone have children.  I know there are people there that feel it is unfair that I work my mostly Monday through Friday schedule, with mostly 9-5 schedule.  But what can I do?  Dh works on call 24-7.  I have no one that I live by that could just “take my kids” last minute to school or be with them after daycare.

I feel, therefore, alone.  I am not sure who I have to share this feeling with.  In my own family, my mother spent most of her mothering years as a stay-at-home mom.  My sister, mother of three, is also a stay at home mom.

I feel lonely.  I feel guilty for not doing all that school stuff.  I feel bad that I cannot do playdates, that I have not arranged social invites and that I am not sure who will show up at their summertime birthday parties because I don’t know where to send the invitations.

I am trying.  But how do you know who to reach out to?  Why do I feel like women have been taught to put on their “face” and put up with their conditions?

I am far from home.  Away from my mom and my sister.  Light years from high school friends and college buddies in both mileage and life experiences.

I am this mom, and sometimes I am lost.


~ by The Mommy Tsunami on June 5, 2009.

2 Responses to “Sometimes, being a mom is lonely”

  1. Holy cow! It’s like I’m reading my own thought process. I am afraid to join mommy groups because I’m worried they’ll sneer at me for not being a stay at home mom. As a result, I don’t have much advice to offer you because I feel the exact same way. We’re in pretty much the same situation. I am far from home, I work shift work full time, all my friends are single and therefore “don’t get it”, my only mommy friends are online. And while I am eternally grateful for all of my online mommy friends, it’s not the same. *hugs* and someone to talk to are all I can really offer you.

  2. I’m new to your blog…I also feel exactly the same way. I don’t know any of the parents in my son’s class. He’s only 3 but I think it will probably get worse as he gets older. I feel guilty that I can’t take time off to volunteer at the activities they hold at his day care. I hate that I can’t pick them up and I’m fortunate that my family is close by. But at the same time my close friends don’t have children and we hardly talk at this point. It’s always great to have someone you can reach out to even if it’s just by phone.

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