I’m nothing if not honest…

*****Warning.  Today’s post may offend your tastefulness for words, your parenting skills or just you.  Period. No apologies.  Just a warning.*****

So.  Today demands a post.  It’s Thoughtful Thursday and it’s been a week.  I’m procrastinating preparing for a road trip to Dumas, Arkansas.  Family reunion! WooHoo! I’m sure THAT will give me fodder for weeks of blogs to come.

But for today…

The other morning, I was getting ready for work.  As is standard protocol, I turned on the tv to entertain the babies with pictures and noise while I attempted to do my hair. I normally flip to Disney , but on this day, I noticed it was on discovery and felt that that channel would probably be okay, educationally speaking, and I was running late…

The Discovery channel at this time was broadcasting an episode of births.  So, babies crying definitely caught the attention of the toddlers.  However, the women SCREAMING is what caught the attention of The Thinker and Mama’s Boy.  Before I noticed, I had four little boys crowded around my television in my bedroom, being educated on giving birth.  In color. Up close.

There began a barrage of questions that were interesting.

Mama’s Boy: Mama, what’s wrong with that baby?

Me: He’s having a hard time breathing, so they needed to help him with a C-PAP.  That means continuous positive airway pressure.  Your brother Chops needed that.  Most babies that need that will be okay.

The Thinker: Ew, that baby is covered in junk!  What is that?

Me: Well, before babies come into the world, they are living inside their mommy in a lot of liquid, and they need to be cleaned after they are born.  But he’ll be okay.

And then the question I wasn’t anticipating.  I was preparing for the cliche, “How are babies made?” or “Where do babies come from?”  Nope.  Not LUCKY enough to get either.

Instead, I got…

The Thinker: Mom, how do babies get OUT?

WOW.  What do I say? Let me explain they I have never hid the fact that boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.  I am not a “hoo-haa” or “ding-dong” or “wee-wee” kind of mom.  Of course, I have paid the price when The Thinker, about 3 or 4, told everyone that girls have a ‘jiy-na. Wow, was I red in the face. So, they have the vocabulary.  So, I went dead medical on them.

Me: Well, you know that boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.  The vagina is also the birth canal.  Which means, it is how a baby comes out into the world.

*insert boys with open mouths and chins hanging to the floor HERE*

Me: Of course, you were all born be C-section.  Which means that a doctor had to cut me open to take you out right near my belly.  That’s what {this scar} is from.

Mama’s Boy: Why were we born that way?

Me: Well, it was safer for The Thinker to be born that way because he was breech.  Babies’ heads are supposed to be down because that’s how they are born easily.  But The Thinker wanted to hold his head close to my heart…

Mama’s Boy: And my head was too big, right!

Me: Oh yeah.  You couldn’t get out any other way.  Way too big.  Way.

Well, we all had a great big laugh over that.  And it eased my mind about my teaching philosophy with my children.

Like I said…I’m nothing if not honest…

And maybe it’ll keep them from having babies before they’re…thirty or forty…

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~ by The Mommy Tsunami on July 2, 2009.

2 Responses to “I’m nothing if not honest…”

  1. Not offensive at all – completely necessary at some point. Now, let’s hope they don’t share their new found knowledge at the most inopportune time at the reunion!

  2. Not offensive at all! I’m glad you were honest! Some people tell the most ridiculous stories…

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