Bee Tee Dubs, I’m on day 55 of Intentional Happiness 365

•February 1, 2010 • Leave a Comment

in case you were wondering, i’m on day 55.

lord, i didn’t know i could be happy before i started this.  is being happy really, honestly as easy as making a choice?

every morning i wake up, i tell myself today is a great day.

i think my positivity has attracted happy to me. i love my life.  in the last 55 days, amazing people, jobs and opportunities have come into my life.  i finally have confidence that this has come to stay.

i’m not going to lie to you. sometimes, i’m crabby. and i wanna stab…um…pillows?

but, i can usually laugh my way out of crabby.  or i can call my friend or my sissy and i can admit, “I am in a crabby, stabby mood. HALP.”

it took a lot.

i’ve struggled to get to this place.

it wouldn’t be a stretch to say that prior to intentional happiness 365, i was practicing unintentional depression, sadness and heartache 730 (that’s two years in days).

i want to tell my story. i’m taking a deep breath in. i’ll write it. it’s just…

people i know read this. and i’ve found happiness, but in many ways i’m still looking for courage…

mind, body and soul–
angela natalie

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Because all two people start somewhere…

•February 1, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I dedicate this to you.

last night

TWO people delved

into self

through each other

realizations

it is so EASY

when i ask, are you talking about me?

or are you talking about you?

you guessed you were talking about us

sweet relief in your understanding

HAPPY never had a name

never had a face

until you

it is KISS on hand

touching fingers to thigh

little moments of

recognition and small connections

the secret jokes because “60% of the time…”

laugh lines around mouth

and i want to help put more there

YOU satisfy every molecule of my being

every need i didn’t know i had

grinning ear to ear

a SMILE that from my being

no one and no thing could erase

and honestly

quite humbly

i expect nothing of you

except to just BE

mind, body and soul–

angela natalie

I want to do more…but WHAT?!?!!?

•January 18, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I want to do more. For myself. For my family. For the world.

But WHAT??!!?!?

Exactly.

So I am doing my Intentional Happiness 365.  And maybe that’s something. But I find that I’ve been really busy IRL, and I haven’t been good about documenting and tracking…btw, I am on day 42.

So, I want to do something positive. Change something. Teach my children to do the same.  But what?

Tell me. What are you doing to change the world? I want to know!

I find this to be EXTREMELY hot…

•December 26, 2009 • Leave a Comment

…but how true do you think it is?  I know what I THINK…but that’s no fun, because I’m in my head.  I want to know YOUR THOUGHTS.

“The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.

Emil Ludwig quotes (German biographer and writer who is internationally known for his many popular biographies, 1881-1948)

25 Things About Me

•December 26, 2009 • 3 Comments

I got tagged by @dadunmasked, the author of DadUnmasked!, to complete a 25 questions meme. I’ll make an attempt to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth (as did DadUnmasked). Here goes nothing…

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you. James Dean, baby!

2. Where was your first kiss? In an alley in the neighborhood I grew up. He COMPLETELY stuck his ENTIRE tongue down my throat! Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.  Thankfully, I have since recovered and I now thoroughly enjoy the fine art of kissing.  *sigh*

3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? Nope.

4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? Yes.  My ‘roid raging, football playing ex boyfriend from college.  Right in the chin.

5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? Yes.  In musicals, on stage.  I love the stage. Love the spotlight. It’s an addiction.  Oh, btw, it’s not that I’m a great singer.  Just a performer.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about your preferred sex? 1. Sense of Humor, 2. Smile, 3. Intelligence (then, sometimes, @ss…)

7. What really turns you off? Um…boogers?

8. What do you order at Starbucks? Venti Earl Grey Tea, with Honey and Skim Milk

9. What is your biggest mistake? Soooooo many. Where do I begin?  Maybe, not forgiving myself for my mistakes???

10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Hurt myself? Or hate myself?

11. Say something totally random about yourself. My eyes change colors.

12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? When I was younger…Rosie Perez, Mariah Carey, Minnie Driver.

13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? Love Pixar Studios, most Disney movies.  I’ve even grown fond of the Happy Monster Band.  And who doesn’t love Sesame Street and the Muppets?

14. Did you have braces? No.

15. Are you comfortable with your height? Yes. I’m 5’7″. That’s pretty good for a chick.

16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? Romance? What’s that?

17. When do you know it’s love? I’m not sure anymore.  And I’m not being cynical or angry.  I just don’t know.

18. Do you speak any other languages? Lil’ bit of Spanish.

19. Have you ever been to tanning salon? Yes.  Hey, I was a high school girl once. ONCE.

20. Have you ever ridden in a limo? No.

21. What’s something that really annoys you? People who can’t forgive. Or people that “tattle tale.”  Sooooo annoying.  Put on your big kid undies! Sheesh!!!

22. What’s something you really like? Fruit.  Yum.

23. Can you dance? Oh yeah, baby.

24. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? Yes. Car accidents. Bleh.

25. Tag 5 people. I can’t. It’d be wrong. I’m sooooo horrible at these.  How could I put this pressure on someone else?

I’ve been given awards and I don’t deserve it

•December 15, 2009 • 1 Comment

I have been writing for more than 1/2 a year.  Well, truth been told, I’ve been writing for almost my whole life.  I am 33.  That’s a lot of years.  But, I have not consistently been someone updating my blog (depending on what you consider consistent)…or even someone with a consistent personality or steady life online.

However, in the last couple of weeks, I’ve been doing a bunch of self-reflection…who am I?  Why am  I here (here online), and how can I make my life and my FUTURE better?

Maybe I’ve struck my own personal chord.  Maybe I’ve finally reached my limit of lack of direction.  I feel good.  I feel like I know where I am going, or at least where I am heading…I am heading towards happiness.

On this journey, I am joyful for those that have encourage me prior to this clarity and for those who are supporting me now…

Some of this support is through BLOG AWARDS that I have recently been…well, awarded.

From The Princess Jenn, most recently…

The aims of this award:
• As a dedication for those who love blogging activity and love to encourage friendships through blogging.
• To seek the reasons why we all love blogging!

Here are the rules of the award:
• Put the award in one post as soon as you receive it.
• Don’t forget to mention the person who gives you the award.
• Answer the award’s question by writing the reason why you love blogging.
• Tag and distribute the award to as many people as you like.
• Don’t forget to notify the award receivers and put their links in your post.

Ahhhhh…The Princess Jenn.  At one point in my life, the larger than life personality with whom I was afraid to enter into a tiny chat convo. A host of the Blog Her At Home event this past summer, at which I discovered some of besties and at which I discovered so much more about myself.  I was home, a mom, a chick and ALONE.  But, after meeting the most amazing women EVAH, I am no longer alone.  And also more confident online AND IRL.  Thank you, Princess Jenn, for being there for just BEING.

Why do I love blogging? Because I love words. Because I love to write. Because in some way I guess I am an exhibitionist of life. Because I want someone to validate my existence. Because I am afraid of being alone. Because I have found so much camaraderie here on the web, yo. Because on here, I am The Mommy FCUKING Tsunami.  And that’s the coolest I’ve ever been.

To whom I bestow the honor of this award: I do not bestow easily.
@MasMom of JadedPerspective. Because I don’t know too many people that are as honest and open about their life as is she.
@MochaDad of MochaDad. Because I envy his consistency and his social activism in making blogging a tool for making a better life.  At least, that’s what he is to me.  He is an inspiration of positivity.

From @KnowMeLoveME from Chantelligence.com

“This award is bestowed on to blogs that are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers.

Deliver this award to eight some bloggers who must choose eight some more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

Those who deserve the friend award:
@PrincessJenn of Princess Prose. Because this woman is amazing.  Brazenly honest, truly a woman of integrity.  I am honored to know her.
@dadunmasked from DadUnmasked. Because this dude is cool as shit.  He really just is himself and is there when you *ahem, I* need him.

From Angelia_t and PaciGraveyard

Honest Scrappers Blog

Here’s how it works: 1. Present this award to 7 some others whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design or those who have encouraged you. 2. Tell those people they’ve been awarded the HONEST SCRAP AWARD and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award. 3. Share “10 honest things” about yourself.

Oh. crap. Here we go…TEN HONEST THINGS ABOUT MYSELF…

1.  I have spent a lot of my life worrying about what other people think about me.  The other day, a co-worker of mine stated that after he figured out how much of his life he spent commuting, that he realized he had spent 1 FULL month of his life in his car (out of the last two years).  Yeah.  It sucks.  But, I could probably do the same formula to figure out that I’ve done the same thing with worrying.  But, no longer.

2.  I desperately want to be a leader.  I don’t mean president, or a manager, or an administrator or ANYTHING like that…I mean  a social activist.  An inspiration.  A visionary.  I. love. the. underdog.  One day I will champion a cause.

3.  I have a hard time believing I am special. To anyone.  Minus my children.  I know that I matter to them because they were made in my womb.  That makes me the bomb, hands down…at least to them.

4.  I want to be in LOVE.  Real, real love.  I think I know I have a soulmate.

5.  I’ve never had a huge circle of friends (girlfriends).  At least until now.  Until twitter and blogging.  And I’m not ashamed of that.  Because I am the most myself with you all and the most I’ve been accepted since…well, since I can remember.

6.  I rock the boat.  Too much sometimes.  That can cause a HUGE issue for me, with work relationships and especially AUTHORITY  *cough, bosses, cough*.

7.  I don’t have great follow through.  I KNOW!  So HARD to BELIEVE!  <end sarcasm />

8.  I spend a lot of time worrying about failing.

9.  I am writing more every day/week/month.  I am currently TRYING to write a screenplay and I have an idea for a book. It’s hot.  Trust me.  And I think I’ll Nia Vardalos the screenplay and just play the lead role myself.

10.  I am the creator of Intentional Happiness 365.  It’s been a complete week as of right now. And, I kid you not, it’s WORKING.

AWARDED TO…
@TheRealBecks from Life Out of Focus
. She’s REALLY hot.  Like…wait a minute…DAMN! She’s been awarded this already!
@SWilderTaylor of Baby On Bored. Ok.  This woman doesn’t even KNOW that I exist.  But I find her to be amazing.  BRUTALLY honest.  Honestly funny.  She also has twins (which makes her have a superwomb, like me) and cracks jokes about having 84 children (much like I do also).  Anyway, she’s cool.  Her stories show that she’s not afraid of being metaphorically naked in front of her audience.  And I like writers that aren’t afraid of nudity. Did I mention she probably has NO IDEA that I exist? But, that’s cool.  She influences me.
@angelia_t from Mommy Needs Meds. DAMMIT!!  She’s been awarded this also.  However, she’s honest about her life and what she deals with on a daily basis.  Okay.  She blogs when she can.  But WHEN she blogs…watch out! *wink, wink*

And I’m out.

Intentional Happiness 365, Day 3

•December 10, 2009 • 1 Comment

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” –Dale Carnegie

My intentional happiness pursuit is all in the ‘tude.  Forget that the average day is…well, average…How mundane is the mundane? Of course the average day is average! And if I thought about that, if I choose to dwell on that, well,  I will live a life of quiet desperation.  Instead, I choose to live a life of loud happiness.  At least for these 365 days.  And, hopefully the choice will become ingrained in my DNA and will no longer be a choice but a way of life.